"It's a mighty world we live in but the Truth is we're only passin' thru".
These are lyrics from a song performed by Johnny Cash, Earl Scruggs and Don Henley - three guys who sing the gospel truth.
I wrote an earlier post about the song (on July 1, 2011) because I was thinking about the people that we had lost from our lives and how each of them had left a unique mark. And that the truth is we'll each leave our own mark one day.
Rhett passed through this mighty world way too fast but what a mark he leaves. While it may have been short, Rhett's was a life well lived. A life of intention. As David IV pointed out - Rhett was particular - in a good way. Allen expanded that point during reflections at Rhett's celebration of life service by using the word - discerning.
Rhett lived a discerning life and we can honor him by emulating that. We will truly miss him, but in this hopeful season when we reflect a lot on transformation, I keep thinking about how energy doesn't ever go away, it only transforms into something else. The love that we feel for Rhett and for his family and the wide circle of friends will remain and will inspire us to be a little more discerning, a little more particular.
Rhett's amazing family wrote a beautiful service of memory and love to celebrate his life. They unselfishly shared Rhett with our family and expressed our emotions exactly.
"We are glad that he lived. We are glad that we saw his face, and felt the flow of his friendship. We cherish the memory of his words, his deeds and his character. In love we will remember his life and the years of companionship."
Rhett and David IV met in preschool and quickly became friends. As time went on he developed a very close relationship with Jay. Mama always said the three of them were like triplets. Here they were on Highway 18S at what used to be Drake's Drive in enjoying a hamburger and a milkshake.
I wish I had a picture of every time some group of boys played intense basketball games on the goal near these steps and then sat down together to share a meal. Rhett was always in this mix with Jay and David. (Here they are with Preston, Turner and Brian).
It was no surprise that this week basketball broke out under that same goal with some of what David IV called "the most entertaining basketball I have ever watched." Chase commented that every now and then as they played he would smile to himself and think "yep. Rhett would like that we are doing this".
David, Austin, Jay, Turner, Tucker, Jim, Rhett and Eldon took a trip with us to Hendersonville to eat at Hot Dog World. And shop for some supper groceries at the Fresh Market. We still laugh thinking about the discussion, lead by Tucker, of the proper way to pronounce salmon.
That was actually a side trip from Lake Lure. We had told these boys to bring 2 boxes of their favorite cereal to the lake. I bought about 250 plastic bowls and spoons. We told them we would fix one big meal per day, they should eat their own cereal any other time they were hungry -- and that when all the bowls were gone we were taking them home! And that's what we did.
It was a really fun time.
Laura, Madeline, David, Jay and Rhett in the backyard at Camp Royster. Brittany isn't in this picture but she had put Jay's hair into corn rows which we all thought was hilarious.
I love the expression on Rhett's face.
Kathe, Steven, David and I watched many a basketball game through the years. This one we were with the Almonds at Shelby City Park. Rhett and Jay played intense basketball with each other and against each other and always ended up laughing.
Jay, Rhett, David IV, Jackson and I at the Dean Dome. David III was there taking the picture and taking it all in. This is when Gardner-Webb played at UNC and barely lost the game. Never did we dream that later on we would all be going to watch Jay at GWU.
Will, Rhett, David, Coach Roy Williams, Jay, Jackson and Hunter at the Dean Dome When Jay saw this picture he laughed and said Rhett probably wouldn't like it.
But Sara and I decided it was a keeper.
Rhett, Jay, David and the Mayo girls on the 1973 Dixie at Lake Lure.
Mayos, Roysters and Rhett at the Lake. Rhett's family always joked that we should have claimed the tax deduction for Rhett because he was with us so much. They probably should have billed us because he brought only positives into our family.
Rhett and Coach Hollifield at the SHS basketball banquet in 2007. Coach Hollifield has a special relationship with his players.
Coach Peterson, Rhett and Dax at the banquet in 2007. Coach Peterson flew in from Baltimore to Rhett's celebration of life service. That's the kind of effect Rhett had on people.
David and Rhett at SHS graduation in 2007.
Rhett and Kathe at graduation in 2007.
Rhett, David, Jay and Will at graduation in 2007.
Some of the Senior Boys in 2007.
David, Jay and Rhett all decked out for a Tacky Christmas Sweater Party.
David, Kyle, Jordan and Rhett at Camp Royster over Christmas Break a few years ago.
David, Rhett, Elliott and Tucker. This could have been any number of times over the years, but judging by the facial hair, it's probably fairly recent.
Jay, Turner, Rhett and Kyle at one of our Christmas parties..
Thanksgiving 2010 when a spontaneous combustion party broke out. I'm not sure how spontaneous these parties really are because they seem to happen in a pattern -- that is when one or more are in town. Chase told us the other day that if we ever sell our house on Fairway Drive we have to include a clause that everyone can come back at least twice a year.
Kathe, David III, Rhett, and David IV at the Chamberlain's the night before Rhett left for his study abroad in Santander, Spain. He cooked a delicious piece of salmon for everybody.
Memorial Weekend 2010 kicked back on the dock at Lake Lure.
May 2010 at Lake Lure with Victoria, William, Turner, Cody, David, Rhett and Jay.
2011 at the Lake with Rhett, Anne, Marley, Leah, David, Jay and Kyle.
Jay, Rhett, Kyle and David. We joked that David didn't get the memo about white shorts and dark glasses. Love this picture.
Rhett in the middle of another happy group at the lake.
Christmas 2011 - Jay, Rhett, David, Mr. Cat and KC
We loved hearing Rhett come bouncing in the front door whether we knew he was coming or not. He would come in and kind of quietly assess where we were and what we were doing before jumping into the fray. Usually we were watching sports, playing sports, or talking about sports. OR we were cooking, preparing to cook or talking about cooking. Music, discussion of politics and the latest Apple invention entered in as well. As the boys said then and now "Rhett always added value to the conversation." He was discerning with his words.
September 2011 when David IV came home from Dallas. We decided to fix 'all of his favorite grandparent food'. Mom and Dad came over with deviled eggs, cream cheese and olives and more. Sister sent a layered salad and then stopped by to visit a little later. David III grilled chicken over charcoal. I cooked biscuits, corn, beans and fresh tomatoes with basil from our kitchen garden.
Rhett would usually slip quietly into the kitchen and ask, "do you need any help?" or "what do you plan to do with those potatoes?" or squash or whatever was on the counter. If I said, "I don't really know. Do you want to make something?" Rhett would grin and roll up his sleeves and say, "Yeah I'll give it a whirl." Then he would precisely and carefully fix something wonderful. Including an amazing sauce to accompany whatever it was.
Over the years we enjoyed so much in the kitchen. Early on, Rhett would only eat cheese. We nicknamed him Little Mousey because we could only get him to eat cheese and crackers or a grilled cheese sandwich. Who knew that he would become such an outstanding gourmet cook? But that goes back to that discernment thing. If Rhett was going to eat something it was going to be high quality. He was discerning about cooking and about eating.
Turner, Rhett, David and Jay at a GWU home game last season. I loved that Rhett took time to come to several of these games. He was discerning with his time.
Elliott, Turner, Tucker, David, Chase, Kyle and Jay getting together to celebrate Rhett's life and the value of friendship. They felt that we were helping them and we felt that they were helping us.
They told funny stories and then went out to hit a few golf balls. Jay told everyone that he and Rhett had played golf just a few weeks ago and that he had told Rhett the 18 hole golf round costs $25 a piece. He said Rhett was quiet for a moment and then asked, "What if we start on number 2?" Rhett was discerning with his money. And such a quick wit.
Rhett's amazing family wrote a beautiful service of memory and love for Rhett expressing that "our voices may be the voices of grief, but the language after which grief gropes is the language of love".
"We enter into a common sorrow..that should make the whole world one, and dissolve all other feelings into sympathy and love" and "thinking of him, let us go in quietness and peace, to live our lives in charity one toward another."
Rhett ate a lot of meals at our house. We have laughed with Kathe and Steven because many nights over the years Rhett would be in our kitchen and observe what we were planning for dinner. Then he would slip out of the room and call his parents to see what THEY were fixing for dinner. Depending on what suited him the best he would decide whether to eat with us or at home.
I wrote a short post in September 2011 when Rhett invited us over to his house for dinner. Rhett and his dad had been on a fishing trip to Alaska and Rhett wanted to cook some of their catch. I remember that he called my cell phone and I heard that quiet, calm voice, that sounded like he was smiling as he spoke, asking if we would come over for Fish and Chips. Yes we would.
This is how I will always remember Rhett. Giving. Smart. Kind. Calm. Talented. Discerning.
At Rhett's service, Allen read from Psalms 42:7. Deep calls to Deep. I thought this was perfect because Rhett loved music and Psalms is all music. Deep calls to Deep is a really catchy Psalm lyric that has stuck in my mind all week and I have contemplated its meaning.
Deep pain and suffering calls for deep reflection. The deepest suffering produces the purest truth. It can be so simple yet we have a tendency to make it complicated. God is Love. The love shared in those days and across the miles and today and tomorrow is truly Divine. It is forever. It is unchanging. Regardless of the awful jolt, I'm really not surprised that Rhett tapped this vein because he did live the intentional life - bright, positive, upbeat, great sense of humor. If you could keep up with it.
But as good as he was he never took himself too seriously. Which of course endeared him to us even more. We will all miss that boy.
So it's a strange new reality and I can just hear Rhett saying, "Yeah. Well. What can you do?"
I can do this.
I can learn to make better coffee with a French Press. I can learn to use Sriracha in more ways. I can listen to all kinds of music. I can read more news articles from the BBC.
Enjoy more memories. Laugh some more. Cry some more.
Cherish all of our relationships more.
Take nothing and no one for granted.
Be a little more particular.
Be a lot more discerning.
And Love one another.
